AS, 10/24

Did anyone else feel a sense of hopelessness when discussing Derrida? First, I found the reading very difficult. Then, our professor admitted the guy was on another playing field entirely – somewhere between lunacy and Mars. He is seeking God – a return to the beginning; what a bittersweet thought. I’m not sure God can be found, I think he must be felt. Primarily, I think we’re all seeking the same thing – a connection, an understanding. When I was 17, I went to Finland through an exchange program. Talk about DIFFERANCE. Only one person in the family of five I stayed with spoke English. Even then, we had a difficult time of it. Finnish is a very fluid, tonal language. Typically, native speakers will end their sentences with a sharp inhale that signals a completion of thought. It is a polite indication that the other may speak. I would rush and tumble over my English to the point where my host-sister thought I was rude and cutting her off. She spoke with no inflection, so I thought she didn’t like me. The others communicated through haphazard pantomime. Let’s just say “Bad doggie, stop eating my passport” doesn’t translate well in mime-speak. I took to walking through the village alone, just listening, trying to figure out what people were saying from watching their interactions. Then one day I heard the most beautiful sound: English, heavy on the Scottish. A Scottish missionary was passing out pamphlets in the market. I nearly wept with joy. I went that night to a cramped beige room, ate stale donuts and drank bitter tea – and felt at home because we understood each other. If finding the Ur is anything like finding the one other native English speaker in a 300 mile radius, it’s a fine feeling indeed.