ginny t. 10/24

Wait, wait...so someone help me out here...does Derrida think there is there a God, an ultimate Ur-ness, or not?

I don't know about anyone else, but this whole "there is no stable referent" concept really messes with my mind. The idea that there may not be any kind of ultimate truth or meaning to life (ie there is no God or afterlife) is something I think about fairly often. Especially when I'm sitting at work, bitching about my job, or when I get all caught up in the latest celebrity gossip (Reese & Ryan are splitting? Say it ain't so!!) I'll catch myself getting utterly consumed by something pretty inane and I'll chuckle and think, "Oh man, if this is my only shot at life, I am really blowing it!"

Most of the time, I am so concerned with doing things the right way that I'm pretty much paralyzed to do anything at all. (Like write these blogs! Curses!) The irony of course is that while I'm not even sure that there is "anything outside the text" of life, I am somehow convinced that there is a "right way" to do things. And trust me, I want to believe that there is something more, something outside, this life. While my rational mind questions the fallible human concepts of God, there is some spark inside of me that is searching for The Light. I do have to agree with Derrida there, that we are all trying to transcend what we know to uncover that which we can't comprehend.

I'm living on the bubble between "nothing outside the text" and "the trace." It's the uncertainty that scares me. I want to do-the-right-thing-because-it's-what-I'm-supposed-to-do-but-doing-the-right-thing-keeps-me-from-really-living-and-doing-what-I-want-to-do.

Phew. This Postmodern, existential crisis is making me tired.